Coaching for Equity Reflection #5

Posted on November 7, 2020 by Amy's Reflections

I am currently reading Coaching for Equity: Conversations That Change Practice by Elena Aguilar. Each chapter ends with a series of reflective questions for the reader to consider in our own equity and coaching journey, and I’ve decided to blog some of my reflections. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Chapter 4: How to Talk about Race

This chapter is a great follow-up after the previous chapter on the history of racism and white supremacy, because once you know more, you must do more.  I happen to read this chapter at the same time I was reading So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo, which addresses some of the same ideas.  What I always appreciate about Aguilar’s work is that she brings in science and research from a variety of fields – in this case mindfulness, biological responses to fear, identity, and coaching.

What are your big learnings from the story about Stephanie [the new teacher who cried all the time and had pity for her students]? What is most relevant to your work?

In this example of how Aguilar coached a new teacher, Stephanie reminded me of myself as a first-year teacher. I wish someone had coached me like this! What I noticed was the patience with which Aguilar built a trusting relationship with Stephanie, the questions she asked to push Stephanie to reflect deeply, and the honesty shared when racism was brought up. It was interesting that Stephanie cried less during and after their first true conversation about racism than she had for the first few months. This is a reminder to push through tears, to coach into emotions, so you can move into the work of equity.

Of the “Ten Tips for Talking about Race,” which ones feel easiest for you? Which feel most challenging?

The tips that feel easiest to me include finding multiple entry points, building relationships and trust, and making a distinction between blame and responsibility. It was a good reminder to be humble, to be informed, to be clear about purpose and language, and to “normalize discussing race”. The two tips that I know I need to work on were nine and ten – invite, accept, and acknowledge emotions and ask for feedback on any conversations you facilitate around race. I’m currently working on both of these in my own practice.

Can you recall a time when someone accused you of something or said something about you that felt inaccurate, and that caused you to feel defensive? How did you respond?

I am a person who takes on stress internally.  When I feel attacked, misunderstood, or stressed out, I replay conversations in my mind over and over again. I think for days on end about what I could have or should have said in the moment. I journal because writing is one way I process and reflect. When I feel defensive, I want to write up a bulleted list in response that outlines all of the ways I’m right and someone else is wrong. I can understand how the word “racism” causes similar emotions in many white Americans, and how as coaches, we need to honor those emotions and make space to process those as we work with educators. Once we get past our personal history with the word racism, we can recognize that we are all racist because we have been born into and/or raised in a society built on the systems that created and perpetuate white supremacy.

So much of this work begins with self – know yourself, your identity, your emotions around these topics, and then educate yourself on the history so we can move forward collectively.

 

Coaching for Equity Reflections Series:

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Coaching for Equity Reflections #4

Posted on November 4, 2020 by Amy's Reflections

I am currently reading Coaching for Equity: Conversations That Change Practice by Elena Aguilar. Each chapter ends with a series of reflective questions for the reader to consider in our own equity and coaching journey, and I’ve decided to blog some of my reflections. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Chapter 3: How to Understand Race, Racism, and White Supremacy

I have spent the last 5 – 7 years diving into cultural proficiency work, learning more about myself and the white supremacy that has been the foundation of our nation and of the education system in our country. I’m so grateful that Aguilar spent so much time in this chapter going through history and definitions broadly and specifically about education.

Here is one of the reflective questions from the end of this chapter, which delved into the history of America, race, racism, and white supremacy.

At which points in this chapter did you experience cognitive dissonance?

The parts that gave me the most pause had to do with the power and use of language. There are many words that I have consciously eliminated from my vocabulary, as I’ve learned the history and the hurt these words contain. However, this chapter goes through many words that we need to rethink, some of which made me stop and consider how and when I’ve used them (i.e., at-risk, disadvantaged, ghetto, drop-outs, minority, frontlines, plan of attack, value-add, and dark).

This chapter really made me think about my own language, and when I have ignored or confronted this kind of language used by others. As an educational leader, it’s important to consider how to address problematic language when it occurs, because it will.  We are not perfect and we will make mistakes. How we handle mistakes and address problems will define our equity work moving forward.

“It’s time we scrutinize and scrub our language of the violence of oppression. It’s time we begin using and teaching language of liberation.” ~ Elena Aguilar, page 96

The to do item at the end of this chapter is about continuing our own learning. As I looked over the Appendix full of additional resources, I was proud to see many books that I’ve read (many in the last few years).  Here are a few that I’ve already read (the first 5) and a few that are on my to-be-read list:

  • Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates
  • White Supremacy and Me by Layla Saad
  • White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo
  • How to be an Antiracist and Stamped by Ibram X. Kendi
  • New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness by Michelle Alexander
  • We Want to do More Than Survive: Abolitionist Teaching and the Pursuit of Educational Freedom by Bettina Love
  • Caste: The Origins of our Discontent by Isabel Wilkerson

What have you read that you would recommend to other educators? How has your language changed as you learn more about racism and white supremacy?

 

Coaching for Equity Reflections Series:

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October 2020 Reading Update

Posted on November 1, 2020 by Amy's Reflections

I love looking back at what I’ve read each month because it helps keep me accountable (to myself!), it helps me reflect on the diversity of what I’ve read, and it’s great to be able to search my blog for previous books I’ve read by an author and what my thoughts were.

In October I read:

  • The Likeness by Tana French – My favorite podcaster, Laura Tremaine of 10 Things to Tell You, loves this author and recently mentioned that this is her favorite French novel. This recommendation told me that I would most likely love this book, but I didn’t know what I would love about it.  This was a LONG story (close to 500 pages), but I sat and read for four hours straight one Sunday reading this, because I wanted to know what was going to happen.  A cop, Cassie, goes undercover to help solve a murder, because she happens to look exactly like the murder victim that no one knew was dead.  So she has to step into the victim’s life as if it’s her own, which must be near impossible undercover work.  The story was bizarre, the characters were all a little off, and the plot kept shifting., and it all took place in Ireland.  I loved it all!
  • Nothing Like I Imagined (Except for Sometimes) by Mindy Kaling [audiobook] – This was a short collection of essays, and as always, I loved listened to them being read by the author. I’ve loved Mindy’s other books and her writing for TV, as she is funny, self-deprecating, painfully honest (about her social anxiety in one of these essays), and someone who appreciates celebrities. This was shorter than I expected, but a fun glimpse into her life as a single mother and TV producer.
  • Leave the World Behind by Rumaan Alam – This was my first book from the Book of the Month club, that my father got me a subscription to for my birthday (Thanks Dad!). I LOVED this book! What starts as a relaxing family vacation out in the country, leads to two families intertwined in a bizarre attempt to solve a phenomenon as it is occurring. I loved the character details, the time hops that were dropped in casually, and how much so much and yet so little happened in the book.
  • Thrive Through The Five: Practice Truths to Powerfully Lead Through Challenging Times by Dr. Jill M. Siler – Thanks to the recommendation from my friend Shelley Burgess (who also happens to be the publisher of this and of my own book!), I knew I would enjoy reading this book. Jill is a superintendent in Texas who shares honestly about her work. Her philosophy is that we love 95% of our work, but that other 5% is really hard! Jill shares tips and stories from her own experiences about how to lead through the tough times and how to take care of yourself when you are leading through those challenges.  Ironically, Jill wrote most of this book before COVID-19 hit the world and our schools, but many of her lessons are relatable to all of us currently leading through a global pandemic. Despite the topic, this was an uplifting book by a strong leader.
  • Black Girl Unlimited by Echo Brown [audiobook] – I’m not sure where I came across this YA novel, but it was unique. The story is narrated by Echo, a young Black girl who starts out the story at 6 and grows to 17 by the end. It was hard to see her life told through her six-year-old eyes at first, especially because she experienced some rough things throughout her life. The story was part fantasy, part realistic fiction, with some time jumps that were hard to following while listening to the audiobook. I wish I could see how the author distinguished the time jumps in print, because she used this feature a few times, when the story would flip flop back and forth between two events told together that actually happened at different times and with different characters. Not only did this novel share some important life lessons, but it also gave a glimpse into the life of a Black American family that was different than my own, giving me new insight and an opportunity to learn and reflect.
  • The Girl in the Mirror by Rose Carlyle – I’m so glad I chose this as a second option for my October Book of the Month Club selection. This is a story about twin sisters, family, trust, lies, and money. When Iris and Summer’s father dies, he writes into his will that all of his millions will go to his first grandchild. His children, from different women, silently compete to create the first grandchild. When Iris and Summer begin to sail across the Indian Ocean together, on their father’s yacht, memories and past hurts rear up. The characters were each unlikeable in their own ways, but I loved the little twists throughout the book, right up until the end.

This year I’m also keeping track of the stats of the books I read. Here are October’s stats:

Fiction: 4

Nonfiction: 2

Young Adolescent: 1

Audiobooks: 2

Author is of or plot addresses a different race/ethnicity, orientation, religion than me: 3

Female author: 5

Male Author: 1

Nonbinary Author: 0 (I have gotten one recommendation, but I haven’t read it yet!)

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Coaching for Equity Reflections #3

Posted on October 31, 2020 by Amy's Reflections

I am currently reading Coaching for Equity: Conversations That Change Practice by Elena Aguilar. Each chapter ends with a series of reflective questions for the reader to consider in our own equity and coaching journey, and I’ve decided to blog some of my reflections. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Chapter 2: Jumping into Coaching for Equity 

Here are a few of the reflective questions from the end of this chapter, which delved into compassion, and knowing ourselves more deeply in order to coach for equity more effectively.

How do you think your background, experiences, and identity markers (especially your race and gender) affected how you felt when reading this chapter?

I am much more aware of my identity markers and the unearned advantages I was born with than I was when I began teaching or coaching years ago. Reading this chapter reminded me of my early days as a teacher. Looking back, I was similar to the teacher example in this chapter.  Sadly I, too, entered the profession as a white woman wanting to “save” the poor children of color I was assigned to teach. There were a few things Stephanie said in this chapter that made me cringe. I cringed because I said or thought similar things 25 years ago, and I also cringed because I know more now and I want us all to be better. As a young teacher, I didn’t know my own identity markers well, and I certainly didn’t know how to have empathy, without pity, for students who came from different backgrounds than my own. I made assumptions about my students and their lives based on media portrayals, not on reality. I learned how to get to know my students over time. Making home visits was one of the best things I ever did as a teacher or principal.

How do you feel when someone cries a lot? How is your response different based on your relationship to that person and based on what they are crying about?

This is an important reflection because equity work is challenging and often brings up a range of complex emotions. I, myself, am prone to cry when I am stressed out, overwhelmed, sad, or hurt. When I’m speaking with someone who is crying, I try to acknowledge the person’s feelings and give space for them to share the true cause of the tears and underlying emotions. The level of trust and familiarity in the relationship is a critical component.  If I already have a lot of trust with someone, I can push through tears and emotions and go deeper into issues. However, if I have limited trust or am in a new relationship, I often feel myself slowing down or backing away when someone expresses significant emotion. I appreciate reading the way Aguilar approached the crying teacher throughout this chapter, as she listened, waited, returned, addressed the crying directly, helped the teacher name the emotions, and coached her to begin to make a plan to help herself.

I appreciate that Aguilar ends this chapter with a to do item for us to read books that will help us learn about people whose identify and experiences are different than our own. This is something that drives many of my own reading choices, which I track on my monthly reading blogs. I want to make sure that every month I am reading something about or by someone with different identity markers than my own.

 

 

Coaching for Equity Reflections Series:

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Coaching for Equity Reflections #2

Posted on October 28, 2020 by Amy's Reflections

I am currently reading Coaching for Equity: Conversations That Change Practice by Elena Aguilar. Each chapter ends with a series of reflective questions for the reader to consider in our own equity and coaching journey, and I’ve decided to blog some of my reflections. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments. My first reflections, from the introduction, are in post #1.

Chapter 1: Transformational Coaching: A Model for Change

Here are a few of the reflective questions from the end of this chapter, which defined Aguilar’s transformational coaching model.

Which components of Transformational Coaching (TC) do you already practice? Which elements of TC are not a part of the way you coach? 

The 3 components are the coach, the client, and the systems.  Throughout my career, I have learned to pay more attention to my own learning and emotions, and the power they play in a coaching relationship. I try to always be mindful of how I am showing up, but this is something I am constantly reflecting on after a bad day.  Having been a coach throughout so many of my roles, I feel confident that I attend to the client and how they are showing up. While I’ve done a lot of reading and work in systems-thinking, this is always an area of growth for me. To coach to transform systems and the individuals within a system is bigger than any one role I’ve had. I’ve never truly been in a place where our focus was to dismantle inequitable systems.

If you’ve ever received coaching, how would you describe it? What domain (behavior, beliefs, or ways of being) did it focus on? Is there a domain that you would have liked the coach to pay more attention to?

I have been mentored by many colleagues and supervisors in my career. As a principal, I had the opportunity to have a coach, dedicated to supporting me and my work as a new school leader.  Looking back, I believe that coaching was focused on behaviors – we spent a lot of time discussing what I was doing, or planning for what I would be doing next.  I wish we had spent time on beliefs and ways of being. As a younger leader, I was struggling because I didn’t know how my mood, attitude, and beliefs were all showing up in front of me, taking up space in new relationships. If I had known that my way of being impacted everyone around me, it would have saved me some bumps and bruises along the learning journey!  I also wish that I had been coached around my own beliefs, so that I could have begun my own anti-racism work years earlier than I did. Looking back, there is so much that I didn’t know and that I wish I had learned earlier in my career. It’s hard to dismantle a system that you don’t even realize is built to perpetuate inequities you’ve never been aware of, due to your own (my own) privilege.

How would you describe the coaching you do?  Which domain do you focus on? What impact could you have on your clients, organization, and students if you coached in all three domains? 

Coaching is an element of my role, and I feel that I coach into behaviors and ways of being more than I coach into beliefs.  I think that coaching into beliefs requires trusting relationships, which take time to develop. I think that I enter discussions that involve beliefs very cautiously, because I don’t want to make assumptions too quickly, nor do I want to shut down a person’s willingness to continue a conversation with anything too bold too soon.  I think this is an area I need to be aware of, so I can lean into these coaching conversations more confidently as I continue to learn and grow. I also hope to model how to approach these conversations, as I believe it is  the responsibility of all educators to challenge systems that perpetuate inequities.

How might your experience as a child have been different had your teachers worked in a system that used this model of coaching for equity?

I find this question fascinating!  I grew up in a small community with a population that was about 99% white middle class families. Many of my friends had working parents who had graduated from college, and the assumption was that we would all go to college as well. If my teachers had been coached using this model, I believe I would have been exposed to a lot more of the world (outside of the small bubble of our homogenous community) sooner, and with a different lens on my own upbringing. I also believe that there may have been a deeper discussion about our futures that encompassed more than the four-year college track that was expected of us.

 

Coaching for Equity Reflections Series:

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Greens CA Schools and Community Colleges Summit 2020

Posted on October 26, 2020 by Amy's Reflections

I’m writing a series of blog posts to document my learning about green schools; work that I have landed in over the last year and a half. Please follow along with my journey and share where you are in the environmental sustainability movement. 

Last week I attended the Green CA Schools and Community Colleges Summit 2020, which was a virtual event this year.  Last year was the first time I attended this event, and I shared my reflections and new learnings in my post about sustainable education. This year, the picture and quote below was shared by the keynote speaker.

Soon after seeing this picture, I had the opportunity to spend the day with my 7-year old nephew. As part of our day, I drove by his school (in another state) since I had never seen it. He is still in distance learning, as his district hasn’t brought students back on campuses yet. As we drove around the block of his school, we talked about where his past classrooms had been, where he eats lunch, and other random things a 7 year old thinks to tell you about a school he hasn’t been inside of for over 7 months. The one thing that struck me was the similarity to the picture above.

The school is made of of two large buildings, one of which is two stories. I saw a lot of brick, and then a lot of empty concrete.  There was a small play structure in the Kindergarten area, a medium-sized play structure for the older students, and some basketball courts.  There was a beautiful area of green grass in the back of the school, that my nephew said he didn’t use. The largest outdoor space was made up of empty blacktop. This looked similar to most schools I’ve worked in over my career, but it was the stark opposite of the schools in my current district.

I’ve blogged before about our green initiatives, which I’m so proud to continue to learn about and support. Our schools all have at least one garden, and many of them have a variety of garden areas around the campuses. Right now, as our students are back on campus in a hybrid learning model two days a week in smaller cohorts, these spaces are not only an opportunity for environmental literacy lessons, they also serve as a space for outdoor learning.  Many schools are trying to figure out how to bring learning outside during COVID-19. Because of the incredible forethought of our former and current superintendent, our schools have natural outdoor learning spaces, and our teachers and students are used to spending time outside not just for recess and lunch, but for learning as well.  Not all learning is taking place outside, but our teachers have the ability to make thoughtful decisions about how and when they might take learning outside naturally. Thanks to the great weather we have in Southern CA most of the time, this is possible to do most every day.

Thinking back to my nephew’s school, and so many other schools around our country, I hope that educational leaders can begin to think outside of the classroom walls and the concrete blacktops to create greener campuses that promote thinking, learning, and happiness for all students. They keynote speaker mentioned “sponge” schools, where students soak up what is around them. It’s up to us to bring our students to nature and nature to our students in authentic learning experiences.

 

Previous post(s) in this green schools series:

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The Small Joys on Social Media

Posted on October 22, 2020 by Amy's Reflections

My favorite podcaster, Laura Tremaine of the 10 Things to Tell You podcast, created an amazingly positive day on social media called #onedayhh. The goal is to share your day hour by hour for one day. The 2020 event took place on Thursday, October 22 and it was the second year I participated on Instagram (with a few additional pictures shared on Twitter!). This year, I set an alarm for the top of every hour and I successfully posted every hour from 6:00 AM to 8:00 PM.

What I love about this event is:

  • mindfulness – I love that #onedayhh forced me to pause and take notice of my surroundings and what I’m doing throughout a work day. The picture below is my favorite nook in my office, but I’ve never taken a picture of it before. My word of 2020, grace, holds a special place in this nook.

  • community – One of the best parts of the day is scrolling through the #onedayhh hashtag on Instagram. Social media can be a dumpster fire of negativity and garbage most days, so it’s nice to have a day where you see positive messages, and a glimpse into the regular lives of regular people around the world.  Many Zoom meetings were shared!

  • creativity – I had to consciously decide what to take a picture of, what I wanted to share, and how to craft the caption to go with each picture. I was more intentional throughout my day because I had sparks of ideas for pictures that I wanted to capture. I also love seeing how and what other people choose to share. I worked hard to break my 10,000 step goal and I ended up crushing it!

 

These are just a few of the pictures I shared. To see more, check out #onedayhh on Instagram to see the fun and be sure to follow Laura Tremaine so you can join in next year. I appreciate that one person’s creativity led to day of people sharing their small joys on social media.

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Coaching for Equity Reflections

Posted on October 21, 2020 by Amy's Reflections

I just started reading the latest book by one of my educational heroes, Elena Aguilar. Coaching for Equity: Conversations That Change Practice brings together two of my favorite educational topics – instructional coaching and equity. All I’ve read so far is the introduction and I already love the work and can’t wait to dig in deeper. As a natural coach, Aguilar ends each chapter with some reflective questions for the reader to consider. I’ve decided to blog my answers here for the intro, and I hope to continue it for future chapters as I read. I’ve paraphrased the questions for my reflection here.

Why are you reading this book?

I am reading this book because I love all of Aguilar’s work, and I am currently leading equity work in my own system.

What do you fear about reading this?

One of my fears anytime I am reading a professional book is my own insecurities. I often read professional books and highlight and flag one million ideas that I want to do, or that I end up beating myself up about for not thinking of doing. Also, I often end up feeling guilty that I don’t blog as much as I want to or used to. Maybe reflecting on this book will give me something to blog about more frequently.

What do you hope to learn?

I hope to learn more about myself, knowledge about how others are coaching through equity and knowledge to positively impact staff and students. Equity work is complex, but I know that it always has to start internally first. I want to model the learning and self-reflection required of us all to move equity work forward.

What are your hopes for the future?

I hope that educators can move from hopes and wishes to enacting policy changes and taking actions that will close the opportunity gap, support all students, and provide an equitable education for all learners.

I have previously blogged about every chapter Aguilar wrote in Onward: Cultivating Emotional Resilience in Educators in another blog series.

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Happy 1st Anniversary to The Coach ADVenture!

Posted on October 5, 2020 by Amy's Reflections

My book turns one this week!  In honor of the one year anniversary of the publishing of The Coach ADVenture: Building Powerful Instructional Leadership Skills that Impact Learning, I am holding a giveaway on Twitter this week. Join in on the fun over at #CoachADV this week!

 

 

The Coach ADVenture: Building Powerful Instructional Leadership Skills that Impact Learning is available for purchase on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

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September 2020 Reading Update

Posted on September 19, 2020 by Amy's Reflections

In September I read a lot more than I have been, and an interesting range of books.  I keep a never-ending list of recommended books, so I also have something to look for when I need a new book.  Here is what I read this month:

    All Adult Here by Emma Straub – I loved this book! I needed a fun, well-written read about great characters! I appreciated how the author was able to weave in natural storylines that included transgender and LGBTQ ideas. The characters were believeable, flawed, and likeable.
    Party of Two by Jasmine Guillory – This was a fun romantic comedy! Olivia and Max, an unlikely duo, fell in love and created a semi-long distance, interracial relationship. I appreciate a love story where the woman is as successful as the man, and where she doesn’t have to give up her dreams to be with a man.
    Four Seasons in Rome: On Twins, Insomnia, and the Biggest Funeral in the History of the World by Anthony Doerr – A friend who loves to travel and read as much as I do recommended this book. It’s a love story about Rome, and a young family’s yearlong adventure living there. It made me look back through my photos from a 1999 trip to Italy, and it made me long for the end of this pandemic and a time when I can book international travel again. I loved much of the description of the city, the nature, and the people of Rome, though lengthy description is not my favorite. In fact, I couldn’t get through an audio version of one of the author’s novels because of his lengthy description. I enjoyed this, I think, because of my love of travel and my memories of Rome.
    Love Lettering by Kate Clayborn – I think I read about this book on a recommended books for summer list, back in the spring. I needed another fun romantic comedy for some light weekend reading. The story of Meg, an artist who loves lettering, and Reid, a stuffy math nerd, walking all around NYC to find hand-lettered signs, was so much fun! This made me want to go on a walk to find my favorite letters, to play the games they played with signs as they got to know each other. This was a sweet story with a few turns that made for richer characters.
    The Last Flight by Julie Clark – I’m not sure where I heard about this book (I think a blog post), but I’m so glad I found it! This was a fun, fast-paced mystery about two women trying to escape their lives and the negative circumstances they were in. Switched flight tickets, disguises, secrets, and lies, as we learn more about the past of each woman and what drove her to abandon her life. Great read!
    Hidden Valley Road by Robert Kolker- this was a non-fiction recommendation from Laura Tremaine. It is the life story of a family with 12 children, six of whom developed schizophrenia. It was a fascinating story about a troubled family, before mental illness was a regular topic of conversation, and it also dealt with the scientific research around identifying and treating schizophrenia.

Life Will Be the Death of Me

    by Chelsea Handler [audiobook] – I have listened to some of Handler’s books before, and they are always an entertaining mix of celebrity gossip, family stories, and comedy.  This one was a bit different because it chronicles Chelsea’s time in therapy, as she was devastated after the 2016 election and finally able to grieve the death of her brother 30 years earlier.  Despite the heavy topics, she adds levity with dog stories, the making of her drug documentary and drug line, and more silliness. She shares the value of going to therapy, of listening more, and getting out of our echo chambers. 

This year I’m also keeping track of the stats of the books I read. Here are August’s stats:

Fiction: 5

Nonfiction: 2

Young Adolescent: 0

Audiobooks: 1

Author is of or plot addresses a different race/ethnicity, orientation, religion than me: 1

Female author: 5

Male Author: 2

Nonbinary Author: 0 (I have gotten one recommendation, but I haven’t read it yet!)

 

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