A Graceful 2020

Posted on December 21, 2020 by Amy's Reflections

I start each calendar year sharing the word I’ve chosen as a focus for the year. Some years I have blogged about my word repeatedly throughout the year, and other times it’s been nothing more than a blip on the blog in January. But I love to circle back to my words each December. Whether my chosen word was impactful or not, it’s a nice way to wrap up the year and reflect on what was.

My word of 2020 was GRACE.

Back in January I wrote:

I love that grace can be both a noun and a verb, something you can have and something you can do. Grace has connections to gracias/ grazie, which means giving thanks. I feel a sense of peace and contentment when I think of giving myself grace and holding space to give others grace. I created two different images to mark my word this year, knowing that grace will come in a variety of shades and meanings throughout 2020.

Looking back, it’s interesting, though not surprising at this point, that the first image I created was what I looked at and used most often in the beginning of 2020.  This image was my desktop picture on my laptop, and a screensaver as well. It’s happy, hopeful, and calming. It makes me smile.

The second image I created seems so much more fitting for the rest of 2020, the year that changed for me on Friday, March 13 when our schools send students home for emergency distance learning due to the global pandemic caused by COVID-19, the corona virus. This image is a little darker, a little colder, and the black and white just gives it an ominous feel.

 

The word grace was calling to me starting back in September of 2019. I didn’t know why.  I created these images in December of 2019, in preparation for the blog I posted on January 1, 2020 introducing my new word. At the time, I was just going for variety, not knowing when or how I would use the pictures. It’s funny how life sneaks up on you in unexpected ways. I needed grace to get through this year, and I needed to give others lots of grace on this journey as well.  Grace was exactly what I needed in 2020.

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November 2020 Reading Update

Posted on December 6, 2020 by Amy's Reflections

I just realized that I never published this post, even though we are well into December now. This was the month of women authors, apparently! So I intentionally picked up some books by male authors late into the month.

This is what I read in November:

  • So You Want to Talk about Race by Ijeoma Oluo – Each book on read on my antiracism journey adds to my knowledge, increases my understanding of perspectives different than my own, and builds upon previous information I’ve learned. I feel like some of the information is blending together in my mind, which I hope means that it’s solidifying for me and will result in better actions as I move forward. The author is a Black woman who has spent her career writing and educating folks about race, talking about race, and developing policies that create equity and inclusion in the work place. I appreciate that each chapter includes a focus area, such as intersectionality or police brutality or privilege, real world examples, and tips to do better. The author shares funny and painful examples, incorporating humor and hard truths into her advice.
  • Coaching for Equity: Conversations that Change Practice by Elena Aguilar – It is no secret that I have loved every book Elena Aguilar has written. She is my professional guru and I love her work! I appreciate that she took her coaching expertise and applied an equity lens to the entire process in this beautiful, amazing, professional resource.  I loved this book so much that I dedicated an entire blog series to it (which starts with my reflections on the introduction). I couldn’t resist writing out my reflections to the questions that Aguilar proposes at the end of each chapter. I highly encourage this book to all educators everywhere, but especially in America, and especially in November of 2020.
  • When We Left Cuba by Chanel Cleeton – I am notoriously bad at remembering the details of books after I’ve read them, even ones I’ve loved, but I remembered enough of Next Year in Havana to be able to jump back into the life of the Perez family, who we meet back up with to learn about their live in Miami, after being exiled from Cuba when Castro took over. This story follows Beatriz, the rebel sister, through her cause to avenger her brother’s death, see Castro leave power, and her dream to return to life in Cuba. While the story had fun, society events, travel, political heroes, and more, it was such a bittersweet story, knowing that Castro would live long beyond Beatriz’s young dreams. Cleeton’s writing still makes me want to visit Havana someday. I love her writing and the vivid pictures she paints with words.
  • The End of Her by Shari Lapena – I know what to expect from this author – a fast-paced mystery where you doubt each character as you read along to find out the truth.  In this case, Patrick’s second wife Stephanie, learns that his first wife died accidentally when he is accused of killing her by an old lover.  As Stephanie learns more about her husband’s past, she has more and more doubts about him.  Erica, his lover out for money from anyone and everyone, spins a tail that makes Stephanie doubt her marriage and her safety. As Patrick’s life unravels, we learn more and more about each character and their flaws. I loved the ending, which I won’t give away here. It was a fun read!
  • The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid – I just realized this is the third Reid book I’ve read and enjoyed!  This one was my favorite of the three. Thank you to my cousin Jenny for recommending this, and sparking me to get it as a bonus from my Book of The Month club. I loved learning Evelyn’s life story as she told it to Monique, for a secret tell-all biography. With each chapter, you learn more about Evelyn and you think you’ve got her figured out, but there is always another twist to her romance, her decisions, and her life trajectory. I loved the characters who came in and out of her life, especially Harry and Celia, and the friendships and love story. This was such a fun read and a bittersweet story!
  • Pretty Little Wife by Darby Kane – This was my November Book of the Month selection and I loved it! I always enjoy a fast-paced mystery with twists and turns, when you suspect every character at some point. When Lila’s husband goes missing, we read flashbacks about her marriage with Aaron, and follow the investigation to solve the mystery of where Aaron went and what happened. When I read a book in one day, you know it’s a good one!
  • Don’t Let Go by Harlan Coben – I realized that all the books I read this month were by women so I intentionally chose to read this book next! I love Harlan Coben’s mysteries. Even though this wasn’t about his usual characters, I enjoyed the story. I felt like Nap, the vigilante cop who hasn’t gotten over his twin brother’s death 15 years earlier, was a lot like Bolitar and Win, Coben’s main characters in other novels. Everyone was a suspect in my mind at some point, as Nap tried to figure out how a recent crime connects to his brother’s death. It was a sad story to get to the end, but I enjoyed the fact-paced ride. Because Coben lives in New Jersey, his books usually take place there. This book also made me want to research the former missile sites that were hidden around NJ., since I know nothing about them.
  • Thirst: A Story of Redemption, Compassion, and a Mission to Bring Clean Water to the World by Scott Harrison [audiobook] – I heard about this on a recent podcast episode, and I was interested by the idea of a charity focused on clean water. I didn’t know that the first two thirds of the book would be his memoir, starting in childhood and detailing his mother’s illnesses growing up. He had a very religious upbringing and then he rebelled against all that and went wild for his teens and 20’s. His redemption was about returning to his faith and wanting to serve the world instead of himself.  While I appreciated his reflections on his volunteerism and the development of his charity, I was annoyed through most of the book. Partly because of his ego and his pushy enthusiasm for every new idea he had (he speaks like a used car salesman to me), and partly because I’ve recently read so much about white saviorism and this just sat wrong with me. I love the idea that everyone needs and deserves clean water, and that there are many remote areas in the world that need access to clean water. I heard the statistics that so many world health problems relate back to lack of access to clean water. I appreciated that Harrison and his organization (charity: water) partner with locals to build wells and develop water systems that local citizens can be proud of. I even appreciated his business model where 100% of donations go directly to the work of bringing water to those in need, and he fundraises separately to cover the overhead costs of running the non-profit. But I had this nagging feeling while reading the book that so much of the charity was build on the premise of white saviorism and I couldn’t get past that. Reading this makes me want to investigate all charities that I invest in more thoroughly, and to continue my own antiracism education. Here are a few additional items I read about that connect charity and white saviorism (blog  Nonprofit Quarterly stats and Community-centric fundraising and the White Savior Industrial Complex), in case you want to further your own understanding of this complex issue.
  • Magic for Liars by Sarah Gailey – When I started tracking the books I read this year, I purposely wrote woman, man, and nonbinary in the author category. I wanted to be inclusive, even though I wasn’t aware of any nonbinary authors at the time. A friend recommended this author, because they identify as nonbinary and have written a number of books. Unfortunately, I didn’t enjoy this particular book. It was a mystery book that felt like it was stealing a little from Harry Potter and a little from British mysteries, with whiny, unlikeable characters. I finished it solely to learn how the mystery wrapped up (i.e., who caused the sudden death of a character), but it was unsatisfying. I have read reviews of this author’s other books, and I might try a different one at a later time.
  • Ready Player One by Ernest Cline – I LOVED this book! It’s a YA dystopian story set in the future, but based on 80’s pop culture and video games. It was such a fun ride, to re-live my own memories of playing Atari with my family, while Wade/ Parzival plays through adventures to find the “eggs” hidden in the virtual world created by a billionaire. I appreciated that the use of avatars disguised people’s true selves, and yet the characters got to know each other so well in spite of their secrets. I can’t wait to read the second book, which my friend Barb told me was even better!

This year I’m also keeping track of the stats of the books I read. Here are November’s stats:

Fiction: 7

Nonfiction: 2

Young Adolescent: 1

Audiobooks: 1

Author is of or plot addresses a different race/ethnicity, orientation, religion than me: 4

Female author: 6

Male Author: 3

Nonbinary Author: 1

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Coaching for Equity Reflections #13

Posted on November 24, 2020 by Amy's Reflections

I am currently reading Coaching for Equity: Conversations That Change Practice by Elena Aguilar. Each chapter ends with a series of reflective questions for the reader to consider in our own equity and coaching journey, and I’ve decided to blog some of my reflections. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Chapter 12: Creating New Practices & Conclusion: Towards Liberty and Justice for All

Creating New Practices is the fourth and final phase of Transformational Coaching that Aguilar created.  This chapter’s story continues to tell the story of Aguilar’s experiences coaching Khai, and the progress they made as they moved into this phase of coaching. This was a beautifully moving story about the positive impacts coaching for equity can have on a teacher.

As a teacher, what did you find easy and challenging about building relationships with students’ parents/caregivers? If you could go back again and start over as a teacher, what would you do differently to build relationships with parents/caregivers?

During this chapter Khai has a meeting with a student’s mother that starts off confrontational and travels through a range of emotions before they are speaking the same language (with love for the child). As a new teacher, I remember making phone calls home to discuss negative student behavior and not much else. I was a middle school teacher and I know I didn’t even consider the parents as my partners in educating children. Throughout my career, I learned more about the value of making positive phone calls home, making home visits, and communicating more frequently with parents. It probably wasn’t until I was an elementary principal that I truly realized how important and necessary it was for educators to partner with parents. There is so much I would do differently if I was to start my first year all over again!

How do you evaluate your impact on the people you coach? How do you capture their growth?

I love this question! This is one of my weaknesses – making sure I am setting measurable goals, gathering data, and evaluating impact.  Over time, I receive a lot of qualitative data about my coaching, from unsolicited feedback to thank you notes from people. I also have seen tangible growth in people as we’ve worked on specific skills or ideas together. But I don’t think I’m consistent at this, nor at asking for feedback. This is a goal I have moving forward.

One of the to do items at the end of this chapter is to write a letter to yourself 10 years in the future from someone you coach. I am going to do this (privately!) for myself. The goal is to reflect on what actions I can take to make what I write in the letter a realistic outcome. This reminds me of the first assignment I had in my doctoral program. We were told to write a letter to the professor, as if it was already the end of the semester, thanking him for our A. Then we had to outline what we had done to earn our A. It was such a growth mindset approach- set goals and then make them happen!

In the conclusion of this book Aguilar reviews the Principles of Transformational Coaching that were mentioned at the end of each chapter:

  • Compassion
  • Curiosity
  • Connection
  • Courage
  • Purpose

At the end of reading this phenomenal professional resource, I am left with compassion for my first-year teacher self, and for all of us as we struggle through challenging times. I am curious about what I still don’t know and how I can coach for equity and support others on this journey. I feel a connection to the people around me, as I seek to know them better. I remind myself to be courageous, as equity work is never easy. But, as Glennon Doyle says, “We can do hard things.”  My purpose never changes – I know my why and I am driven to always work on behalf of what is right for students, staff, and our society.

 

Coaching for Equity Reflections Series:

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Coaching for Equity Reflections #12

Posted on November 22, 2020 by Amy's Reflections

I am currently reading Coaching for Equity: Conversations That Change Practice by Elena Aguilar. Each chapter ends with a series of reflective questions for the reader to consider in our own equity and coaching journey, and I’ve decided to blog some of my reflections. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Chapter 11: Exploring Emotions 

Exploring Emotions is the third of the four phases of Transformational Coaching that Aguilar created.  This chapter continues to tell the story of Aguilar’s experiences coaching Khai. In this story, Aguilar is finally able to have intense conversations about her observations of Khai’s interactions with students, specifically the Black boys in his class. Her story is powerful, as are her coaching moves.

What emotions did the story about Jordan bring up for you?

Jordan was a Black student in Khai’s class. When Aguilar videotaped Jordan reflecting about his teacher and his experience, he compared his teacher to a mean dog of whom he was afraid. Listening to Jordan’s story made me sad and angry. I was sad for Jordan, and all the BIPOC students who are treated differently in schools. I was angry about their experiences. I also had some regret for students I didn’t impact as much as I could have because I didn’t have these kind of conversations with their teachers.

It is so important to listen to our students.  This is why empathy interviews and focused observations are a part of my work. I can remember the day two years ago when I shadowed a students through her high school day. It was one of the saddest days I’ve experienced in school.  During the entire day, my student was only spoken to by a teacher directly two times. She was able to avoid work because the teachers didn’t interact with her or expect anything from her. In her two-hour Spanish class, she only had to say one sentence in Spanish. That was a rough day for me. To see such low expectations for our students, to see limited interactions, made it hard for me to sit in the classrooms. I wasn’t in those rooms to coach the teachers, and I didn’t have established relationships that allowed me to follow-up in ways that Aguilar suggests, but I left with anger, fear, resentment, and humiliation. I did follow up with the school principal, with whom I did have a relationship, but there was so much work that needed to be done there, and in so many of our schools.

This entire chapter is a lesson in how to have crucial conversations about race and expectations and our students. I want to reread this chapter multiple times to have the language handy when I need to have similar conversations.  I appreciate how Aguilar provides many coaching stems – ways to start conversation, data to include, how to redirect a client, and how to pause and leave space for silence. This is essential work if we want to change schools in ways that will impact our students.

 

 

Coaching for Equity Reflections Series:

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Coaching for Equity Reflections #11

Posted on November 19, 2020 by Amy's Reflections

I am currently reading Coaching for Equity: Conversations That Change Practice by Elena Aguilar. Each chapter ends with a series of reflective questions for the reader to consider in our own equity and coaching journey, and I’ve decided to blog some of my reflections. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Chapter 10: Recognizing Impact 

Recognizing Impact is the second of the four phases of Transformational Coaching that Aguilar created.  This chapter’s story continues to tell the story of Aguilar’s experiences coaching Khai, and specifically her decisions of when to move into this phase and when to open up a discussion about race.

How did you feel reading the description of visualizing legacy?

I love this idea and will use this in the future! Aguilar asks clients to imagine X years into the future (working with a Kinder teacher, the X was 12) and they receive an email from a student. What would the email say?  This exercise immediately made Khai, the teacher, introspective and energized. Most teachers answer in some way that brings in a wish for a  social-emotional connection with their students and an academic impact as well, which are the primary purposes of education. It made me smile to read Khai’s reflections, as it once again humanized a teacher who had been portrayed negatively.

How have you seen data used in schools? In which ways has data been used as a tool of oppression, and in which ways has it been used as a tool for liberation?

I had a visceral reaction when I read about Khai’s principal making all teachers post their students’ reading scores on the front of their classroom doors. I have worked in systems where data walls were required, and where we were expected to make our data public, including for students and parents to see. I saw humiliation, embarrassment, and dejection regularly in these places.  There was a lack of hope and limited self-efficacy in the staff.  I have also worked in places where data walls were used by the adults for reflection, collaboration, intervention, and support. Depending on how conversations were facilitated in these places, sometimes I saw the same humiliation and other times I saw honest conversations where educators could speak frankly about skill gaps amongst educators and students. I have also worked in places where data was a small tool, not a large HAMMER, in educators’ tool belts that included a variety of resources.

The data is not the issue. It’s the human interpretations and the conversations that rely on individuals’ beliefs that get tricky, especially when students, families, communities, or cultures are blamed.

When does impatience come up for you in your work? How do you understand it and respond to it?

I often blame my NJ upbringing for my fast-talking, fast-thinking, desire to move fast. Truly, I have a strong sense of purpose and a desire to make change that will positively impact students and staff.  When I see problems, issues, or concerns, I want to solve, fix, and make changes quickly. However, over my decades in education I have learned that fast is not best. If I move too fast I will be moving alone.

I recently had a new colleague write me an email thanking me for recognize that equity work takes time. This is an area in which I feel particularly passionate and I can recognize how much change is needed in our educational systems. I feel that sense of urgency every day, but I also realize that my patience is more important than ever as I lead this work. We all come to this work with different backgrounds, levels of experience, and needs. I work on my patience and developing spaces for others to have patience all the time.

What does self-care mean to you? How do you care for yourself?

Self-care looks like different things depending on my needs, stress level, and emotions. Sometimes I need to carefully plan my schedule to ensure that I have breaks for reflection, time to have 1:1 conversations, and time for walks on the beach. Other times, I need to fuel my introverted-self with a fun fiction book, and a quiet weekend at home. My self-care also includes mindfulness and mediation (thanks Elena for the reminders!), drinking more water, and using essential oils.

 

Coaching for Equity Reflections Series:

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Coaching for Equity Reflections #10

Posted on November 17, 2020 by Amy's Reflections

I am currently reading Coaching for Equity: Conversations That Change Practice by Elena Aguilar. Each chapter ends with a series of reflective questions for the reader to consider in our own equity and coaching journey, and I’ve decided to blog some of my reflections. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Chapter 9: Surfacing Current Reality

Surface Current Reality is the first of the four phases of Transformational Coaching that Aguilar created. I appreciate that she uses story-telling to illustrate the phases and her coaching moves.  This chapter’s story was her first interactions with another teacher, Khai.

What came up for you reading this chapter? What thoughts and feelings?

Wow. I had a lot of thoughts, emotions, and judgments as I read this chapter. The phrase “these kids” bothers me, like it bothers Aguilar every time she writes about it being said. The phrase is usually a way for teachers to talk about BIPOC students. I felt sad for the students in Khai’s class and school when I heard the discipline statistics. I felt bad for Aguilar who had to observe some truly negative interactions between the teacher and his students before their coaching relationship had developed. I felt sick by the micro and macro aggressions described. I struggled to stop my own judgmental thoughts, as Aguilar used her own self-talk to reminder herself to be open, to listen, to look for strengths, and not to judge this teacher.

Recall your own experiences as a kindergartener (or elementary school student). If I’d visited your classroom, your teacher, and you, what would I have noticed?

I love that Aguilar used this question as her opening way to get to know Khai in their first coaching session.  She learned so much about his childhood, his background,  and his beliefs that inform how he teaches. It also humanized him for her, which was important after she had witnessed him berating three of his Black Kinder students on the first day of school. I can barely remember my own kindergarten experience. I remember loving my teacher. I remember her inviting us to a local park behind her house for an end-of-year picnic and my memories of that feel fun and happy. Actually, that might have been my first grade teacher, but I’m not sure! I don’t remember anything about the academics of my first year of school. I know that my class was full of white students, because that was the make-up of our town. In general, I was a shy kid in elementary school who liked to read and to play school at home. I was a rule-follower. I don’t remember anyone getting suspended in elementary school ever.

What data could you gather to gain insight into racial inequities in your school, organization, or district? What data could you gather to gain insight into inequities for other marginalized groups – for how girls experience math and science? For students with learning differences?

In the era of accountability we have lived in for the last decade+ we have plenty of data to gather. We can look back at attendance, achievement, and suspension data as a district, by school, and by student groups. However, since COVID-19, a lot of our traditional data measurements have been suspended (pun intended!). Now is a great time to consider what other types of data we have available to us. In an elementary system with minimal discipline records, it’s important to consider other sources: referrals to intervention programs, referrals for testing for special education, when do teachers pull in the principal to help in a parent conference?, student enrollment in enrichment and speciality programs, etc. As a principal, I always found it helpful to connect data with individual student stories. Whether I had made a home visit and knew more about a family’s situation, or I could share the experience I had when observing a student during a lesson or even after I had a positive interaction with a student during lunch, these stories made the data personal and meaningful in our discussions.

 

Coaching for Equity Reflections Series:

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Coaching for Equity Reflections #9

Posted on November 15, 2020 by Amy's Reflections

I am currently reading Coaching for Equity: Conversations That Change Practice by Elena Aguilar. Each chapter ends with a series of reflective questions for the reader to consider in our own equity and coaching journey, and I’ve decided to blog some of my reflections. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Chapter 8: What You Need to Know about Identity

“Coaching for equity requires that we manage our discomfort around discussing race and class and identity differences.” ~ Aguilar, page 207

This is another chapter I wish I had access to years ago. In my previous district, I coached many leaders with identity markers different than my own, more so than in any other role, and I wish I had acknowledged those differences more openly.

What questions came up about the identities of people you coach?

This chapter is an important reminder for white coaches – while talking about race often makes us feel uncomfortable, when we bring up differences between us and those we coach, we often make others more comfortable. My discomfort in a conversation cannot compare to a BIPOC’s discomfort in the many times across their day when they experience racism. This is a great way to start: “I want to acknowledge the differences in our gender, age, and race. What comes up for you as you think about our work together and these differences?”

There are fewer reflective questions at the end of this chapter, so instead I want to share a few more quotes that stood out to me as I read.

“I’m curious how you identify in terms of your sociopolitical identity markers – race, class, gender, and so on. Of your identity markers, which ones feel more important to you?”

“We learn about our client’s sense of identity for a few reasons: so we can understand how they see themselves, so we can coach them into deeper insights about themselves, and so we can coach them into greater understanding about how their markers show up in their teaching and leadership.”

“Given that the experience of white people is dominant in our media, curriculum, and literature, people of color know a lot about white people. But white people don’t know a lot about people of color, or what they know is distorted or inaccurate.”

 

 

Coaching for Equity Reflections Series:

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Coaching for Equity Reflections #8

Posted on November 14, 2020 by Amy's Reflections

I am currently reading Coaching for Equity: Conversations That Change Practice by Elena Aguilar. Each chapter ends with a series of reflective questions for the reader to consider in our own equity and coaching journey, and I’ve decided to blog some of my reflections. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Chapter 7: What You Need to Know about Emotions

“Resistance is an expression of strong emotions. Learn how to coach emotions and you’ll never encounter resistance again.” ~ Aguilar, page 175

This chapter is literally all about emotions – how to identify them in yourself, how to process emotions to determine what needs are not being met, and how to coach into emotions when working with teachers. I think that every school and district leader needs to read this chapter in particular. I don’t know a single educational leader who has not experienced resistance, which is really masking emotions (often fear).

Which emotions come up in you when you perceive resistance? Which of your needs aren’t met when you experience someone’s resistance?

As a coached, I learned that resistance was often masking fear. Teachers fear they aren’t doing a good enough job, they fear they don’t have the skills or knowledge to meet all students’ needs, and they fear being judged as a “bad teacher”. I learned how to help teachers open up to their fears by building relationships that allowed them to be honest and to ask for what they needed.  There are, however, still times when I experience resistance (to a district goal, from a set of parents, from a specific individual) and have to recognize my own emotions first.  For me, I think what comes up is a feeling that I am being judged as ineffective if someone resists something I’m presenting. I doubt myself and my worth first, instead of wondering what needs of someone else aren’t being met.  If I’m proud of an initiative, idea, or project, I want to be appreciated for my work. I want my team to be acknowledged for their collaboration and support. These are my needs that are unmet when I encounter resistance.

During our current COVID-19 pandemic, we have seen resistance to closing schools, opening schools, hybrid plans, distance learning plans, and more.  People have lashed out at teachers and at plans. So much of that anger and resistance was really about fear – people are fearful of catching COVID, people are fearful of missing work or losing their job or their home, people are worried about finances and providing food for their families. This pandemic has brought out many emotions that I see masked in anger and redirected at teachers, who are working incredibly hard during all of this, while also managing their own emotions and taking care of their own families.

One of the topics that Aguilar has mentioned repeatedly throughout this book, and her other books, is mindfulness.  My word of 2015 was mindfulness and I spent the year learning how to cultivate the habit. Since then, I have stepped into and out of the habit of mindfulness and meditation. Over the last year our entire district leadership focused on mindful leadership, which was a great reminder and a support during times of stress. Reading this book is a reminder to take time to pause, breathe, notice, and reflect.

 

 

Coaching for Equity Reflections Series:

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Coaching for Equity Reflections #7

Posted on November 11, 2020 by Amy's Reflections

I am currently reading Coaching for Equity: Conversations That Change Practice by Elena Aguilar. Each chapter ends with a series of reflective questions for the reader to consider in our own equity and coaching journey, and I’ve decided to blog some of my reflections. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Chapter 6: How to Change Someone’s Mind

“A belief is just a strongly held opinion. A belief is not the trust- even if it feels like it is.” ~ Aguilar, page 144

This chapter was fascinating to me, as Aguilar goes into how beliefs change and under what context this is possible.

How do the ideas in this chapter help you understand how Stephanie’s beliefs changed?

What I appreciated about this chapter was: the reminder about the ladder of inference, the six conditions in which beliefs change, the focus on trust. When I wrote The Coach Adventure, my editor said something to me like, “Do you realize how many times you talk about trust throughout the book?” My response was, “Yes!” Trust is essential for any coaching relationship!

I loved Aguilar’s specific examples of how she helped a teacher examine their own beliefs in safe ways, based on the trust she had developed with them. For Stephanie, a lot of it was that she needed to encounter new information while feeling safe and keeping her core identity preserved. This is true for many educators.

What did it feel like to read the statements in the first column of Table 6.2: Possible Responses to Racist Comments? What came up for you?

This chart was hard to read. I had emotional reactions to some of the racist comments, and I had detailed memories of hearing similar comments from teachers with whom I have worked over the years. These memories made me remember the times I said nothing, the times I didn’t know how to respond, the times I tried to respond, and the times I coached into those statements. I appreciate the possible coaching stems provided, as they get the person back to their own beliefs. I also appreciated the directive statements provided that may be appropriate after a system had done extensive professional development around unlearning white supremacy and creating equitable classrooms.

Call to mind someone from your professional world who you trust. What about someone you don’t trust?

Throughout my career I have worked with some amazing teachers and leaders who I have trusted implicitly. Some of their common characteristics included being a good listener, following through in their work, being dependable, being honest, being caring and respectful, and being willing to have challenging conversations.

I have also worked with people I couldn’t trust.  Some of the issues that impacted my ability to trust them included their lack of transparency, dishonesty, and an attempt to create competition instead of collaboration.

I work hard to be trustworthy. I consider myself to be a hard worker, dependable, a good listener, and an honest person. I have plenty of flaws, but I admit mistakes when I make them (or when they are pointed out to me!), and I am a lifelong learner.

I’m committing to using the possible responses from the table in this chapter when I hear racist comments. We must have these conversations to begin to dismantle systems of oppression.

 

Coaching for Equity Reflections Series:

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Coaching for Equity Reflection #6

Posted on November 9, 2020 by Amy's Reflections

I am currently reading Coaching for Equity: Conversations That Change Practice by Elena Aguilar. Each chapter ends with a series of reflective questions for the reader to consider in our own equity and coaching journey, and I’ve decided to blog some of my reflections. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Chapter 5: What You Need to Know about Adult Learners

Every chapter that I read of this book makes me love it more, and response the work of Elena Aguilar even more.  This chapter hits on key elements from her previous books, The Art of Coaching, The Art of Coaching Teams, and Onward. The entire chapter centers on her Mind the Gap: Identifying Learning Needs of those you teach. This is a growth mindset, or strength-based way to approach coaching.  We ALL have gaps, or areas of growth, because we cannot all be good at all the things.  As a coach, it’s important to identify a client’s gaps, or help them self-identify, to determine how to proceed.  We often focus on gaps in skill and knowledge, but Aguilar addresses four other kinds of gaps: capacity, will, cultural competence, and emotional intelligence.

I believe it’s important to consider that many adults, many educators, have gaps in cultural competence and emotional intelligence, because these are areas in which we have never been formally taught.  Any skills I’ve developed in those areas have come from my own study, my doctoral work, and my personal and professional relationships. These are not skills that came naturally, or that I just picked up over time.  These are skills that I am still learning and developing as they continue to be gap areas for me.

I appreciate Aguilar’s advice in this chapter – use this tool as a coaching conversation with someone else. I plan to bring this into future coaching conversations to help others determine their future areas for growth.

 

 

Coaching for Equity Reflections Series:

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