Learning Leadership from Big Brother

Posted on October 16, 2018 by Amy's Reflections

I don’t know about you, but every summer I find myself glued to my television three nights a week as each new episode of the reality show Big Brother airs.  I have watched all 20 (!) seasons of the show and I love the insanity of each summer.  But this summer was different.  The cast was full of nice people. And since they’ve all left the house and resumed their real lives, they have stayed in contact and shared their friendships live across the world via social media. [If you don’t know anything about the show, keep reading… I promise you will see a connection to leadership in a moment!]

As I have watched this evolution, which is so different from past seasons of contestants, I realized that there is more than just a reality show here.  You might be surprised to know that I believe we can learn leadership lessons from this particular season of this particular reality show.

Here are my top leadership lessons learned from Big Brother Season 20:

  1. LOYALTY – If you know the show at all, loyalty has not been a strength of many past contestants.  However, this season’s winner, Kaycee Clark (shout out to my hometown hero!), played an incredibly loyal game from beginning to end. As leaders, loyalty is important in our every day interactions with students, staff, parents, and community. When a school community knows that their leader is loyal, they feel safe. With safety comes trust, security, and risk-taking.  Loyalty is an important leadership strength that goes beyond wearing your school colors and deep into being there for your school community day in and day out.
  2. CREATIVITY – The premise of the Big Brother show is that a group of strangers are locked in a house with no access to the outside world – no TV, no music, no other people, and limited outdoor time. This is sometimes a recipe for craziness and drama.  It can also lead to some outstanding creativity.  This summer the house guests created their own original song (about Tyler), made crafts out of the random material available in the house (Sam was quite resourceful!), invented their own #TyeDyeMonday, and did a lot of hair straightening on each other. Leaders can serve as the models of creativity – whether it is about looking at budget concerns from a new perspective, or avoiding saying “no” to unusual requests, or celebrating what makes each student and educator unique. If leaders were forced to disconnect from social media and the outside world and only use what was available to them to solve a problem, how creative could we be?
  3. SUPPORT – I cannot imagine how I would deal with the daily pressure of living in a house with strangers where every move I made was recorded for the world to see. There were many moments throughout this year’s Big Brother where a house guest broke down crying. There were also many moments of support. During these moments, it didn’t matter which alliance people were from; they supported one another as caring human beings, not competitors. In education, sometimes people may break down in tears, but more often, the stress manifests itself in other ways.  As leaders, we can model support through big and small gestures – checking in on individuals when you know they’ve had a rough day, listening when someone shares a problem or a concern, or stopping our busy pace to make a personal connection with a colleague, especially during stressful situations. All educators work hard and deserve support from their leaders as well as their peers.
  4. ENCOURAGEMENT – Despite the fact that the Big Brother contestants were competing against one another for a $500,000 grand prize, they spent most of their time encouraging one another. In each competition, down to the battle between the final three, the house guests cheered each other on, offering words of encouragement and support. Since leaving the house, they have continued to encourage one another to dream big and achieve more. As leaders, we want to remember to be the voice that offers encouragement. Staff and students will respond better to positive encouragement than to criticism. We can encourage risk-taking, innovation, and hard work. We can celebrate the success of our peers and teammates because by lifting each other up, we encourage our entire community to do the same.
  5. STRATEGY – The Big Brother 20 winner, Kaycee, shared her game strategy before she went into the house. In her post-game interviews, she was able to say that she executed her strategy just as she had hoped to, and quite successfully (to the tune of $500,000!). Leaders need a strategy as well.  A strategy is a plan that helps us achieve our goals, whether short or long-term. Strategic leaders think two, three, and four steps ahead, always preparing for what is coming and how to overcome any obstacles along the way.

So if we are to learn anything from this reality show, I ask you to consider these questions as you reflect on your leadership:

  • How do you demonstrate loyalty as a leader?
  • How do you model and leave space for creativity in your work?
  • How do you support your school community?
  • In what ways do you offer words of encouragement to others?
  • What is your strategy and how do you communicate it to others? How do you involve others in strategic thinking on behalf of our students?

And if you had no idea what half of this blog was about, tune in to CBS for the winter season of Celebrity Big Brother or next summer’s season 21!

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Kaycee Clark, BB 20 Winner     Source: https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/big-brother-20-kaycee-clark-finale-interview-1147464 

 

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What I Read in September 2018

Posted on September 30, 2018 by Amy's Reflections

After my disastrous August reading, I was determined to do better this month. I am proud that I read so much more!

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Educated by Tara Westover 

  • Educated by Tara Westover – I read so many positive reviews about this book that I knew I would enjoy it. Tara’s memoir chronicles her upbringing in a family who was Mormon, but whose father did not believe anything good came from the government (including school, medicine, and more). Tara didn’t know how abusive her relationships were until many years after she had found a way to thrive away from home. Her formal education began at the college level and she worked hard for each degree she earned. It was fascinating to read about a way a life so different from anything I’ve ever known.
  • Family Jewels (Stone Barrington #37) by Stuart Woods – One way for me to read a book quickly is to give me a Stuarts Wood book, especially in this long series that I love! I appreciated that Ed Eagle, a cross over character from Santa Fe, had a brief appearance in this story about stole jewels and cross-country wealth and crime.
  • The Immortalists by Chloe Benjamin – In asking for a book recommendation, this title was shared. I loved the story structure. After four siblings visit a fortune-teller and learn the date they will each die, we follow each of their life stories, one at a time. The entire premise makes you wonder if they lived their lives a certain way because they knew the day they were supposed to die, and whether knowing helped or hurt them live fulfilling lives. It was tragic, surreal, sad, and yet so interesting.
  • Dishonorable Intentions (Stone Barrington #38) by Stuart Woods – Yet another fast-paced mystery, where Stone is being hunted by yet another ex-husband of a woman he is involved with. This story finds him in New Mexico, NY, England, LA, and New Mexico repeatedly. I’m sad that Gala, the sister of Ed Eagle’s wife, turned out to be another ex for Stone.
  • The Silent Sister by Diane Chamberlain – I bought this book as a discounted e-book while buying some of the others I’ve read lately, not knowing the author but liking the description. I’m so glad I found it! I really enjoyed the story of Riley, as she cleans up her father’s estate and learns hidden secrets about each of her family members. There were fun twists and turns and some flashbacks, as well as different narrators, which kept the story moving.
  • The Bay at Midnight by Diane Chamberlain – Once I discover a new author and realize she has many other books, I start to go crazy! I enjoyed this story not only because it took place on the Jersey Shore, where I have many fond childhood memories, but also for the mysterious twists and turns within it. It was sad to follow the journey Isabel’s family took to finally learn what happened when she died as a teenager, because they had to recognize the flaws in those they loved.
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The Immortalists by Chloe Benjamin

 

 

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Social Media: Friend or Foe?

Posted on September 16, 2018 by Amy's Reflections
Social Media

Social Media

Recently I’ve been reading and viewing a lot about the use of social media for business, for education, and for fun. I’ve been an avid social media user for personal and professional reasons for many years. In fact, next week I’m running a workshop about using social media to tell your school or district’s story.  I continue to encourage my colleagues to use Twitter as a way to tell their professional story as well as to connect with other professionals for their own growth.

However, I often seen social media used for negative purposes: spamming people with products, self-promotion without interaction, and anonymous bashing of others. When we see these negative examples, it’s harder to convince new users to join or participate in the positive aspects of social media.

Despite the negativity, I will continue to encourage others to find their purpose within social media.  For some people, one form of social media is an escape – a way to look at cute animals or silly videos for an easy laugh; this is Instagram for me. For others, social media is a way to stay connected to loved ones who are far away; this is Facebook for me. Some people use a social media tool to find motivation, to be healthy, or for DIY projects; this is Pinterest for me. Finally, some people use social media to learn, to grow as a professional, and to help the world at large see the amazing work we do as educators; this is Twitter for me.

If you use social media, I encourage you to share how and why you use it, and to make the positive outshine the negative. I also implore you to invite others into your SM journey! Please use the comment section below to share how you use Social Media.

Let your positive outshine the negative

Edited on 9/21/18: After I published this short, simple post expressing a few thoughts, I read a disturbing blog post. To read that a fellow educator and blogger has received death threats via anonymous comment son her blog was frightening.  However, she didn’t let those threats scare her away from writing; she is letting that fuel her fire. One of the comments on that blog post references this Internet Pledge, which is a great resource. Let’s keep sharing resources and letting our positive outshine that negative.

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Lessons Learned Skydiving

Posted on September 1, 2018 by Amy's Reflections

Today I experienced skydiving for the first time. Spoiler alert: I loved it!  But this post isn’t really about skydiving. I’d like to use this opportunity to check in on my word of the year for this year and for 2015.

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In 2015 I focused on mindfulness. My skydiving adventure today was all about being mindful, living in the present, and enjoying each moment as it came. For the two-hour wait before our jump, I had no phone so I was disconnected and able to enjoy time with my family, watching other jumpers appear out of the sky before us. Throughout the entire plane ride up, I focused on enjoying each moment: from the silly nervous joking in the cramped plane, to the amazing ocean views, to the excitement building.  Once I got out of the plane and past the first three-second free fall, I was mindful of each gust of air, each move of my guide, those great ocean views again, the clouds around us, and the incredible feeling of flying, free from everything.

I didn’t know that skydiving would be a lesson on the value of mindfulness, but I’m grateful for the reminder.

Possibility 2018

My word of 2018 is Possibility and the supporting phrase to guide me is adventures that stretch. I think skydiving definitely qualifies as an adventure that stretched me out of my comfort zone.  And isn’t that the purpose of picking these focus words? To challenge myself (2017 word!), to help me grow, to learn and change and evolve.

To experience this with my brother, who had been skydiving two times before, and my 75-year old father, was an adventure that I wouldn’t have thought possible a decade ago. I’m so grateful for this day of family, mindfulness, adventure, and the spirit of possibility all around.

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My dad, brother, and I before the big jump! Photo credit: Holly, my stepmom

Will Smith has a great skydiving story about not letting fear take over our lives. You can see his story here.  One of my favorite quotes of his is:

“The point of maximum danger is the point of minimum fear. It’s bliss!”

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What I Read in August 2018

Posted on August 31, 2018 by Amy's Reflections

I’m embarrassed to write this. On August 26th, I realized that I had barely finished one book this month, and that was an audiobook. After realizing this, I did a lot of reflection about why that was and I got reading!

  • I realized that I binge watched a lot of mindless television, so I am now making a conscious effort to choose reading over TV watching more.
  • I spent a lot of time this month at work, since our district has been back in session since late July. I’ve read a lot there- emails, blogs, newsletters, articles, book excerpts, etc.
  • I also spent over a week fighting off a sinus headache that made reading very painful.
  • I enjoyed some of the fun of living in beautiful San Diego, including many trips to the beach with friends and family, where I spent more time interacting and enjoying myself in the moment. #mindfulness
  • I’ve found a lot of new podcasts to listen to, which have replaced audiobook time when I’m in the car.
  • I was using a Library e-reader app that expired and I lost a book I had been reading.
  • I was trying to get into a fiction book a colleague loaned me for over a month. I finally gave myself permission to abandon it and find something I really wanted to read! This added some reading at the end of the month.

The books I did finish this month:

  • Retire Inspired: It’s Not an Age, it’s a Financial Number by Chris Hogan- I’ve heard a lot about this book on Dave Ramsey’s podcast. I wish I had read this in my 20’s. I don’t think we talk about finances enough as a society, especially with young people before they make choices that will negatively impact their future. I knew a lot of the content, from the podcast, but I learned some valuable new things that I will put into practice. If you are unsure of your retirement plan, this is a great read full of useful advice for readers of all ages.
  • Scandalous Behavior (Stone Barrington #36) by Stuart Woods – I love an easy-to-read mystery, and this was the perfect book to get me out of my reading rut. I love that Stone, the main character with never-ending amounts of wealth, bought yet another home, this time in England. This home came with some crime, adventure, and a movie being made on site, all with the usual characters in a Barrington story.
  • Talk to Me: Find the Right Words to Inspire, Encourage, and Get Things Done – Six Principles of Effective Communication by Kim Bearden – I LOVED this book! My friend Shelley, who published this along with her husband, knew I would enjoy this book and gave it to me last week. Kim shares six principles to help you frame communication: consideration, motivation, appreciation, validation, conversation, and celebration.  I have worked hard to develop my communication skills over the years. The longer I am a leader, the more I realize the value of listening and effective communication with others. This book is full of specific tips and real life scenarios that will help anyone improve their communication.  Go out and read it today!
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Considering Consideration

Posted on August 30, 2018 by Amy's Reflections

I recently began to read Talk to Me: Find the Right Words to Inspire, Encourage, and Get Things Done by Kim Bearden.  The first of six principles of effective communication that she addresses is consideration.  Kim suggests:

How do you develop the consideration mindset? To truly be empathetic, you have to realize that you simply do now know everything there is to know. Reflect on your own experiences to help you better imagine what life might look like from another’s perspective. (Bearden, p. 14)

In the book, this is followed by the abridged version of Kim’s life. I’m going to use her work as a mentor text for myself.

I had a wonderful childhood and upbringing in a small and happy family in NJ. I was blessed to know all four of my grandparents my entire childhood and into my adulthood. Before I became an educator I had the opportunity to attend college in VA, study abroad in Spain, travel to Europe before my parents had ever been, and live in dorms, apartments, and houses.

Since becoming an educator, I have moved across the country and changed jobs many times, working in 5 school districts as a teacher, literacy coach, assistant principal, principal, and district administrator. I’ve taught at the university level. I’ve been mentored by strong leaders and tried to mentor others along the way. I have worked in schools and districts with high levels of students who are learning English as a second  language, students from homes with low socioeconomic levels, students with disabilities, students from a variety of races and ethnicities, and students with  challenges I had never heard of before.

I have traveled around the world with family and friends. I’ve served as a loving aunt and a worried sister. I know what it is to lose a parent too young to an awful disease. I’ve watched those same grandparents get older, sicker, and pass (one as late as 101 years old!). I know what love looks like in my life and I’ve learned how different it has manifested in others’ lives. I now know the unearned advantages I benefit from thanks to my race, my parents’ socioeconomic status, and the value of hard work that my parents instilled in me.

I have found love and stress in every job I’ve ever had, and with age and experience have come more strategies to find a better balance between those. I know what it feels like to be frustrated and angry over a system that doesn’t serve all students as they deserve. I also know what it feels like when you see that light bulb moment with a student or a teacher or a mentee.

Despite all of this, or maybe because of this, I also know that there are things I don’t understand. I don’t know what it’s like to be without food, shelter, electricity, or safety. I can’t comprehend what it’s like to have a child of my own or lose a child. I can’t experience what it’s like to be a man or to be part of the LGBTQ community. I will never know what life in America is like as a person of color.

All of this feeds my ability to empathize and consider the perspectives of others. What life experiences have created your perspective?

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What I Read in July 2018

Posted on July 31, 2018 by Amy's Reflections

This month felt like a slow reading month. I listened to a lot of podcasts, which limited my audiobook “reading” and I probably watched too much TV! Here is what I did read this month (including an amazing professional book by one of my favorite authors!).

  • Same Beach, Next Year by Dorothea Benton Frank – I love discovering a new author! This story took place in Lowcountry South Carolina and Corfu, Greece, over a 20 year period of time. Two couples, with a hidden past, form a summer friendship that takes them through raising kids, injuries, deaths, and drama. I enjoyed Eliza’s exploration of her Greek routes (and I’m even more excited to start planning a future trip to Greece!) and the memories from my own summers at the Jersey Shore that this reminded me of. Fun summer read!
  • Onward: Cultivating Emotional Resilience in Educators by Elena Aguilar – If you’ve read even a few of my blog posts, you will know that I have a profound respect for everything that Elena Aguilar writes. I loved The Art of Coaching and The Art of Coaching Teams so much that I’ve used them with coaches and leaders for the last four years. This book was amazing on an entirely different level. Aguilar outlines 12 habits and dispositions that will support emotional resilience. She even schedules them out throughout a typical school year at a time when you need each of these in particular. There were so many takeaways I had while reading this book. So many of the educators with whom I work are overly stressed out, anxious, and tired of getting beat up by public perception, public test scores, and self-doubt. I will be encouraging every educator I know to read this important book. A few key quotes that resonated with me include:

Patience is an emotion and a skill.

Learn to recognize your emotions as messengers, as potential sources of energy, and as a fact of human existence.

Healthy conflict can build resilient communities.

Where do you choose to spend your energy?

  • Pretty Mess by Erika Jayne – I listened to the author, a star of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, read this autobiography. It was not very well-written, but it gave me a small glimpse behind the reality cameras.
  • The Color of Water: A Black Man’s Tribute to His White Mother by James McBride – What a beautiful, moving story about one woman’s road to self-love, as she leaves behind family, the Jewish religion, and most of the white race, to raise 12 black children. James’ love and respect for his mother as he tells her tales, all of which he learned through much research as an adult, not as a child, are evident and touching. While this book was originally published in 1996, the racial issues described are still a reality today. But the author leaves you with hope that we have more in common than that which makes us different.
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6th Blog Birthday

Posted on July 14, 2018 by Amy's Reflections

I like to celebrate the birthday of my blog every year (see 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th birthday posts). I started this blog over 2,000 days ago.  I take this annual birthday celebration time to reflect on my blogging life. In the time since I hit publish on the first post I have:

Outside of blogging, my professional life has one official job change, and a variety of job duties and responsibilities over the years. I have presented at national, state, and local conferences. Mentoring became an important part of my life, as a mentee and a mentor. The Aspiring Administrator Academy I began three years ago has now successfully produced at least 12 promotions for teachers becoming assistant principals (AP) and AP’s becoming principals or directors. I am honored to serve in the capacity to impact leadership development and I truly love my work!

Personally, I have continued to make traveling with family and friends a priority. In the past six years I have travelled to:

  • Vancouver (in the summer and the winter!)
  • Turks and Caicos
  • Las Vegas (many times to see friends who are family)
  • Paso Robles
  • Caribbean cruise (St. Kitts, St. Marten, Haiti, Puerto Rico)
  • NJ/NYC (Billy Joel!)
  • San Francisco
  • Chicago
  • Ojai
  • Boston
  • Washington, D.C.
  • New Orleans (work and fun)
  • Portland
  • Napa and Sonoma
  • South Africa
  • Hawaii (x2!)
  • Palm Springs
  • Dallas, Texas (x2)
  • Yosemite
  • Zion and Bryce Canyon
  • Los Angeles (various concerts)

Wow! Making that list was fun. It’s hard to believe that I’ve done all that traveling in just six years. -PAXP-deijE

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A deserted beach on Turks and Caicos

As I say every year, when I began this blog I didn’t know where it would lead. Six years in, I don’t know what the future holds, but I know that I will keep writing. I write because I love it, it is relaxing for me, and it’s a great reflection tool. I also write to share and impact others in their leadership work. Thank you for reading this little blog in one tiny corner of a giant Internet. 😉

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Humans Crave Feedback

Posted on July 1, 2018 by Amy's Reflections

As a new teacher during my first two years where I taught in a middle school in Virginia, I struggled with classroom management. I was a 21-year old barely-adult who was barely taller than my 8th grade students that first year. They ran me ragged. I know now that I hadn’t set up clear structure or routines within my classroom and I tried hard to be their friend, instead of their respected teacher. Much of this I learned through a lot of trial and error, and then coaching and observations I received and participated in when I got a job in San Diego and truly began to thrive as an educator.

During my first year of teaching I never had one person come in to visit or give me feedback. The same was true for my second year of teaching, until March. When I returned from spring break, I knew that I would be moving from Virginia to San Diego the following summer. Knowing that I would have to apply for a new teaching job in San Diego, I asked my assistant principal, who was my evaluator, to please come observe me so that he could write me a letter of recommendation. Sadly, I had to remind him of this request many times between March and June, before he finally came in for about 15 minutes at the end of the year.  He filled in my evaluation with a bunch of check marks and wrote me the requested letter. Needless to say, his letter was rather generic and I never received any constructive feedback during my first two years of teaching.

checklist

CCC licensed work by pixabay.com

Human beings crave feedback.  Obviously, we all appreciate positive feedback and praise, but even constructive criticism is valued when it is delivered by someone we trust and respect. We also seek out acknowledgement. I know the frustration of working hard day in and day out and never even receiving a note of acknowledgement from my administrators. I also know the frustration of being observed and then receiving no feedback whatsoever.  

As I’ve grown as a coach and a leader, I have worked hard to create trusting relationships where I was able to give feedback to teachers I visit.  When I don’t have a trusting relationships established, I still write a note of appreciation to each teacher I visit. I always want to acknowledge their hard work and that I, a virtually stranger, was in their room observing that hard work. So when I conduct classroom observations in my current role as a district director, my first purpose is to coach the site administrators with whom I am visiting. My second purpose is to model that note of appreciation. During this past school year, I visited over 400 classrooms in our district. After each visit, I wrote each teacher an email (and cced the site administrators who were with me) noting something that I appreciated that was going well for student learning. I don’t pretend to be coaching teachers in these emails, because I don’t have established relationships with them. But I am coaching their site leaders and I am building a bridge of trust, where a teacher who is observed receives some acknowledgement and feedback.

Knowing that everyone craves feedback, I encourage you to consider the ways in which you provide feedback to your colleagues.

Feedback

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What I Read in June 2018

Posted on June 30, 2018 by Amy's Reflections

In June I finished some books I started on my vacation last month. I also read a few books on another vacation this month. I do love a good plane ride to catch up on my reading! I’m halfway through the year, but behind the amount of books I read last year. My summer goal is to watch less TV and read more. Stay tuned for July’s book list!

  • Missing You by Harlan Coben – This is the first Coben book I’ve read in a while that doesn’t focus on his usual main character. I loved how the author weaved the stories of such diverse characters (Kat, her late father, Jeff, Aqua, Brandon, and some very bad guys and catfishing) into interesting twists and turns.
  • Stories I Only Tell My Friends by Rob Lowe – I listened to this audiobook read by the author. I’ve loved Rob Lowe the actor for years. At least two of my close friends told me they loved this book so I had no doubts that I would too. His honesty and charming storytelling were entertaining! Listening to this made me want to go back and watch St. Elmo’s Fire (one of my favorite 80’s movies) and The West Wing (one of the best TV shows ever made!). I was fascinated by the decisions surrounding The West Wing salaries and Lowe’s scenes from the movie The Outsiders.

Rob Lowe

  • The Kidney Hypothetical or How to Ruin Your Life in Seven Days by Lisa Yee – A fun YA book about some typical and atypical high school drama, where a student learns about himself and the world, as we survives some traumatic-to-him events leading up to his graduation.
  • Foreign Affairs (Stone Barrington #35) by Stuart Woods – I finally downloaded a Library app (Libby) so that I could borrow e-books from my local library.  For all the reading I do, it’s embarrassing how long it has taken me to do this. It was easy to read on my iPad and convenient. As usual, I enjoyed this fast paced Stone mystery, that took place in Italy and France, with a cliffhanger ending in England.
  • Kill the Boy Band by Goldy Moldavsky – This is YA novel that ended up in a pile I’ve had around for a long time. I am a life-long fan of boy bands and YA fiction, so I was excited to read this. Unfortunately, it was not enjoyable as all of the characters were irredeemable. I disliked them all, with their bad choices and poor moral compasses.  That is, unless it was just fan-fiction…
  • The Fix Up by Kendall Ryan – This was a fun, cheesy romance novel I found on my library app, that was a perfect summer read. Camryn has the job to play matchmaker to bachelor Sterling, who will inherit millions if he gets married within the next six months. Of course, Camryn and Sterling are each secretly attracted to the other, and a lot of miscommunication ensues.
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